How to train your dog

The title of this post is somewhat deceptive. I did that on purpose. Why? Since honesty is supposedly the best policy, I'll be honest. I was afraid that if I made the title what this post is actually about, you'd all be too busy crying and feeling miserable to read my blog.

"Hey, Dani Mustard," you say, "What IS this post about, then?"

I'm glad you asked.

This post is dedicated to my dog, Madeline Joy. It's basically a compilation of all the reasons she is better than your dog. I'm sorry if that offended Spots or Mr. Scruffy, but it's true. And honesty is my policy...

So, grab a few tissues for yourself (or maybe a stress ball?) and a bone for your dog, and get ready to learn about Mad Dog's brilliance.

1. She is adorable. Always has been, always will be. I mean, she's a chocolate lab, so that's pretty much reason enough to love her. But better than that, she is 100% deformed. We don't know why. But it's a fact. Her head is way too small for her body, and it makes you wanna pinch hur leetle cheeks!

2. She is obedient. Ok, so, you know how you put puppies in a kennel at night and when you're not at home? Right, we did that with Maddie. To this day, she will walk to her kennel and stay in it (EVEN IF YOU DON'T CLOSE THE DOOR) whenever we leave the house or go to bed. She's almost 4 years old, and she is the best listener ever. So good that she obeys commands we don't even give her.

3. She gives head massages. You don't believe me? Will the dog saliva all over my head convince you otherwise? Seriously, chickies, she gives great massages. The slobber can be a little revolting at times, but I just pretend it's lotion and everything is ok.

Those are my three favorite reasons that Maddie is the greatest dog around town. I'd take full credit for her awesomeness, but she really learned everything on her own. (Add "motivated" to her list of attributes.)

Here's a photo of her and Bella back when they were both young pups.

You won't want to miss my next post, titled, "How to train your niece."