Losers aren't champions

"So, what does it feel like to lose this game FIVE TIMES? You are so dumb and bad at everything." - Payton

Actually, that is a lie. He never said that. Out loud. But I am confident he was thinking it.

We played a bunch of games this morning, because apparently "card games!" is the compromise between his suggestion of bike riding and my suggestion of nap taking. Whatever floats my lazy boat!

Anyway, I came to the conclusion this morning that games of chance are THE worst. So I thought I would rank and rate three of the most grievous offenders.

NOTE: If you are a big "game of chance" kind of person, I have two things to say: 1. I apologize if this post offends you. 2. You are dumb. Anywhooo...

3. War.
Including the ten variations that are meant to make it "more fun." Regardless of if you're slamming the card on the table, sticking it to your forehead, or playing blindfolded, IT IS A HORRID GAME.

2. Gopher It.
This one you may not have heard of. It's actually not a very popular or common game. There is a reason for that: it makes people angry. I cannot tell you how many times I "almost won" that game this morning, then the stupid little gopher threw a wrench (or, more likely, an ACORN) in my plans.

1. Candyland.
If you enjoy having no control over your fate whatsoever, this is the game for you. It used to be one of my favorites, but recently I have realized that having high blood pressure really isn't worth the 1 in 10 chance that I'll actually win the game.

I am about ready to challenge this punk to a game of Risk. Then we'll see who the winner is.

I know I lied about his quote earlier, but he actually said this: "Dan, losers aren't champions."

And to that I say, SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.

The gumbo of Jim-bob-way

I was doing the dishes after dinner tonight, when Bella asked me if I knew what "devotions" meant. Note: She's a silly little creep. All day every day. Anyway, I told her yes, of course I know what devotions are. (I think I went so far as to say I was "the reason for devotions." In retrospect, that may have been borderline heresy. Maybe?)

At this point, mom, seeing that I was being attacked by a vicious 7 year old, came running to my defense. She said, "Bella! It's not like Dani was raised in the jungle of Zimbabwe!"

The conversation digressed, with me and Bella discussing the pros and cons of living in the jungle of Zimbabwe.

Payton tried to cut in a few times, asking what we were talking about. Jungle? Gumble? Gumball? (We didn't really respond.)

A few minutes later, Payton was feeling particularly neglected, so he made some snide little comment to me. I was feeling extra mature, so I responded, "Well, you've got FOOD all over your FACE. And that is GROSS."

His response?

"It's not my fault I was raised in the GUMBO of JIM-BOB-WAY!"

That awkward moment when...

...you don't post on your blog for two months.

Side note: I'm not really into the whole "that awkward moment..." fad. I mean, nothing awkward EVER happens to me anyway. So why fake it?

But fer realz, I just realized it's been two months. Exactly. Let's pretend I did this on purpose, ok? Cool beans.

But something funny just happened to me and the thought occurred, "MUST BLOG THIS. SO FUNN-AY."

I'm currently texting my sister, Andi, and we're trying to figure out when/where we want to meet to hang out this week. It started out pretty normal, but eventually this happened...

Andi: "would you want to [buy used books] tomorrow morning?"
me: "Do you just go to used book stores and shop around?"
Andi: "Ya."
me: "That sounds pretty cool. When?"
Andi: "We could meet halfway or you come come up here."
me: "....What time?"
Andi: "In the morning."
me: "Time!!!"
Andi: "9."

Maybe that's not funny to anyone else, but it reminded me HOW DIFFERENT we are. Andi likes to make plans for "the morning" (which, technically, could be anywhere from 12am to 11:59am) while I prefer a specific time. Something like 9:00am SHARP. Note: I will accept a rough estimate within the minute, but to the second would be preferred.

On another hilarious note, my niece and nephew made a statue of me out of blocks. It is almost 5' tall and has a face made out of paper cut-outs. If I didn't feel ugly before, now I do. But anyway, it was cute. Picture later.

Peace out, boy scout(s).