"Hey mom......hey.....hey dad!" I glanced around the dinner table, hoping someone - anyone - was listening. To my dismay, no one was. So I shouted at the top of my 4 year old lungs, "HEY. EVERYONE. WAIT. I've got somethin' to say..."

And that's why I'm here. Writing a blog that, let's face it, no one but my mom will read. (Shout out to Mrs. Kapke, who, after years of trial and error, eventually became my #1 listener!) But I'm used to being ignored, so it's really no big deal. Oh, the ramblings of a youngest...

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Losers aren't champions

"So, what does it feel like to lose this game FIVE TIMES? You are so dumb and bad at everything." - Payton

Actually, that is a lie. He never said that. Out loud. But I am confident he was thinking it.

We played a bunch of games this morning, because apparently "card games!" is the compromise between his suggestion of bike riding and my suggestion of nap taking. Whatever floats my lazy boat!

Anyway, I came to the conclusion this morning that games of chance are THE worst. So I thought I would rank and rate three of the most grievous offenders.

NOTE: If you are a big "game of chance" kind of person, I have two things to say: 1. I apologize if this post offends you. 2. You are dumb. Anywhooo...

3. War.
Including the ten variations that are meant to make it "more fun." Regardless of if you're slamming the card on the table, sticking it to your forehead, or playing blindfolded, IT IS A HORRID GAME.

2. Gopher It.
This one you may not have heard of. It's actually not a very popular or common game. There is a reason for that: it makes people angry. I cannot tell you how many times I "almost won" that game this morning, then the stupid little gopher threw a wrench (or, more likely, an ACORN) in my plans.

1. Candyland.
If you enjoy having no control over your fate whatsoever, this is the game for you. It used to be one of my favorites, but recently I have realized that having high blood pressure really isn't worth the 1 in 10 chance that I'll actually win the game.

I am about ready to challenge this punk to a game of Risk. Then we'll see who the winner is.

I know I lied about his quote earlier, but he actually said this: "Dan, losers aren't champions."

And to that I say, SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.


  1. I think you should call them "games of Providence." That way the fact that you're a loser is because God determined you should be...for your sanctification, or Payton's...and you are off the hook for it and cannot be ridiculed.